I've been abducted by aliens

It happens quite frequently as a matter of fact. It happens every time I find myself driving to the store in preparation for a binge I desperately don't want to happen.

I didn't really want to turn this blog into a detailed account of my eating issues. I can keep that stuff on xanga where it belongs. But I guess this is about more than eating. It's about those times when you find yourself acting inexplicably, not only against your better judgment, but against everything you want and hope for.

It happens to everyone. At some point we all give in to our less than noble, selfish, carnal desires. But when it happens again, and again, and again, and every time you crash and burn, every time you cry over it and promise yourself to do better, and you never do, that's when it gets to be a problem. When you find yourself walking down the aisles of the grocery store (as in my case) fighting every step you take. Jerky, tense, begging whatever higher being there might be for the strength to turn around and go home. You might look like a freak to other people, with the trapped expression on you face, literally engaged in a full-on war in your own mind, but more likely no one will notice.

But it's not you. It took you over, leaving you incapacitated and no longer in control of your own mind, or even your body. It's a terrifying feeling.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I don't know how to combat this thing that takes me over. I wonder if anyone does.

Guess I just needed to vent a little, I will now shut up.

Stupid bus

To get home from Edmonds today, I took the bus all the way to the UW and then back again. It was either that or take four separate buses. I really hate public transportation sometimes.

Talk

You know, you talked really big. You made a lot of promises. And did you keep a single on of them? Nope. Not one. I should be spending Valentine's day with the guy who claimed that he'd be there until I told him to leave, but he was the one to get scared and run away. I shouldn't be wondering what I did to you, I shouldn't be wondering if you're even alive, I shouldn't be wondering if I made you go back to everything you did and felt before we met, but that's my plan for today. I hope you know you hurt me. Oddly, I still hope you're happy. Happy Valentine's Day, liar.

He said that he would stay forever
forever wasn't very long
He said that he would take the high road
He thought that I was always wrong
Cause when he lied it meant he loved me
And when he lied it meant he cared
And when he lied it meant he loved me
Cause when he lied it meant that he was there

~Jack Off Jill, Rabbiteen

Drifting

I can't function right now. My brain and my body aren't connected. I feel like I'm watching myself from outside and my body's just an empty shell. And my mind has just shut down. I feel literally like I'm on autopilot. People, if I'm acting like a zombie next time I see you, now you know why.